Days where I've had such emotional extremes are exhausting to me. It's just after 8 and I'll leave the office soon. It was a waste since I got so little done today, distracted by the voices in my head, trying to tell me what to worry about and not worry about.
I have a bitch of a headache. Of course, that could be from going from overeating over Easter weekend to readjusting to my normal 800-calorie a day diet. Or it could be because I haven't been sleeping so well.
Last night, I wanted to cry and I couldn't. I wanted to masturbate but I couldn't think of anything to excite me. Tonight at least I think I'll get that cry in.
I sent my friend a text message and an email to apologize. He didn't respond and I don't really expect him to, at least not without a lecture about the issues that I have and that he can't deal with them. I feel badly about that. I know I have issues and I try to keep them to myself, but I do have some friends that I'm comfortable enough to open up to, even when it leads to this kind of rejection.
I hate it when I put people I care about through some kind of pain in a misguided attempt to alleviate my own.
I feel lonely tonight, but mostly because I know that I will feel this lonely for a very long time to come.
